omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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