I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
