I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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