He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
