Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize