No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
