Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
