Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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