Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
