Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
