hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
