she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
