over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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