Cold hands, warm shart.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
