well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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