the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
