Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
