If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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