great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
