Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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