Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
