My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
