Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
