Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
