hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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