I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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