There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
