My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
