I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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