i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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