omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
