I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Randomize
