I haven't been this sober since birth.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
