I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
