He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
