i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
