As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
jump out the window naked night went bad
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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