I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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