The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
