I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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