A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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