So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize