I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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