...so i touched it.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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