why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
