FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
