Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
