wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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