Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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