If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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