If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
