I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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