It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
