I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
