Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
