we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
