I showed him my bush... on skype.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
