he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
