I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
