even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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