Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
