Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
