she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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