I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
