so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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